i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
