just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
