OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
