WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize