Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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