How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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