You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
