Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
