My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
