So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
