im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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