Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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