In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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