Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
