i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
