I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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