im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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