using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
