so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
