I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
