Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
