when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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