Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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