My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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