I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
