I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
