My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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