I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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