I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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