yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
