my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
