Will you blow on my dice?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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