are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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