The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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