So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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