Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
