you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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