I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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