Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
