hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
