True but thats because hes a fetus.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
