Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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