Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My liver just broke up with me...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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