there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
