Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
