It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
