I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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