Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
