I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
