Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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