Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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