his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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