I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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