I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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