She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i drank out of a bidet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
