bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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