you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
