yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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