i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
