I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
