Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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