Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
