laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
