I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need water and some morals
Randomize
