Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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