so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
