i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
