fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So much rum. So many feels.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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