I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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