dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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