the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
