After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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