i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I could fuck to npr.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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