You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
