WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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