I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
