I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
