Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
