but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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