Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
