So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am spending my child support on dildos
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
