And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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