yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
